Singleness Of Heart

Greetings in the name of the Lord Jesus!

Do you know what Season you are in? I am on an adventure, it must be fall. I not only enjoy the weather and colors, but I feel a lot more adventurous this time of year. As you probably know already, I am leaving on a Mission trip this coming Sunday. My brother Isaac is going with me to be my body guard (sort of). Looking around the corner is a little bit of a scary thought, you see my plans are a little bit of a mess. We don’t know who is picking us up at the airport in Port-au-Prince Haiti!

—–

Well, the Lord took care of us and we arrived safely home again after 16 days of high end adventure. The Lord taught me many things about Haiti, and I also made some personal mistakes that were directly against some of my convictions.

You see, I lost one of the most treasured peices of my purity - my first kiss. I’ve been saving it my whole life, it was so wonderful to kiss for the first time… but it was the wrong guy, and now that I have realized my error and repented, I still have exetreme feelings to deal with. Girls, I don’t care who you are or how old you are, if you still have a first kiss keep saving it, because it’s the most awesome thing in the world to kiss for the first time. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve wanted to kiss someone or imagined it, it just doesn’t hold a candle or a liking to your real first kiss. No matter how much a guy wants to kiss you, don’t let him unless he IS THE ONE.

I was finishing up a study on child training (Thursday night Bible study) and it hit me real clear and fine like a bult of understanding… I had something wedged between me and my relationship with God. It was fuzzy and sticky, I didn’t want to give it up - I didn’t think I could. Well, we talked it out (God and me) on the way home. I asked “God, what is this thing that you are trying to tell me? What is wrong in my life, tell me so that I can repent and be restored in fellowship with you.” as we talked, and I listened asking for understanding, it finally got through to me. It was one thing, one little thing - well a big little thing. I’ve tried to give God everything to do with relationships and hopes for marriage, but there was one thing I was holding back in. I just wouldn’t resign from it, I didn’t understand how. So when I asked God to condemn the thing that was holding us apart, I was really surprised to find how little it was. Just one place in my heart that I had created for a certain fellow, one little bit of hope that he was the one - but God didn’t want any of it. I claimed all along that my relationships were his, but how could I hold one back? Not only that, but why were there things that I couldn’t bring up with my Father concerning my feelings? Well, I repented and the Lord lifted it. Now, my resolve is “I am resigned” and I was able to talk it over with my Father, who gave me some wisdom and shared his desires for me to marry a godly man, affirming his belief that it would be obvious when the time is right and the man is right. “God will show you! You will know!” So, now I am not dreaming about wedding bells, even to the extent that I may not get married at all. It’s up to the Lord, and my desire is to fulfill His calling for my life.

I’m pretty happy lately, packing and arranging our trip has been fun. I like working on details with a time crunch, it just makes excitement. Heh, I think maybe I like a well planned trip just as well though. It’s going to be fun, and I’ll be back to work in a couple of weeks to smile at all the customers…

Well, I’m up at 1am just typing a way… I read through my my-diary from 2003-2004 and have been trying to figure out some time lines. 3.5 years ago, I was in drivers ed, I had a boyfriend. I dressed tight and twinkled eyes with the guys, and really, I thought I was trying to serve the Lord. It had been about 6 months since I had begun to truely feel God’s presence in my life and began walking with Him and seeking Him with my whole heart. I went through difficulties, but my desire to serve the Lord prevailed, and I changed little by little. I made a lot of mistakes, it was slow - like mollassas going up hill in the winter, but each little dragon that I fought, the Lord was with me and teaching my heart His wisdom. It was Dec. 2003 that I had had that new change of heart. My sponser child, Joseph died in Africa of AIDS, and I felt that the Lord was calling me to the ministry, but I still didn’t have direction for what I should be doing. I got a side tracked, and it cought up in a dramatic emotional existance, until one day that Lord took away all of my things that I thought mattered so much. It was odd how it all happened, and some of it hurt a lot, but God was faithful and brought be through with a new desire to serve Him with my life.

Here is part of an entry shortly after my 17th birthday in 2005

“OK, Crash course on how to stop flirting…

#1 You can stop calling boys on the phone, don’t even call
them back, let them do the calling, they will give up after
a while!
#2 Try to be serious about things when you are around guys.
Since flirting is when you play with giddy emotions, being
straight faced will help. No giggling at their jokes!
#3 If the last to 2 are a bit to hard to start with, try
being busy more often, have lots to do, try to talk the guys
into helping you work constantly, pretty soon they will be
to busy to come over any more (cuz they don’t want to work)
#4 Walk straight, don’t do the laughing eye thing (you know,
the “twinkle”) do not throw your head back if you laugh, do
not laugh very much (around the guys).
#5 Have fun being a girl! Have fun hanging out with girls!
Learn to cook and babysit and do all that good stuff that Mr
Right will adore!”

I gave my heart to my Father. I opened up to him and began sharing my heart with him about the guys in my life, my dissappointments and desires. It really helped, and it almost seemed like overnight. My heavenly Father has blessed me, and given me an Earthly Father who loves his heavenly Father. If I had known this from a small child what the blessings of his headship were, I would have been readily sharing with him daily all along. I thank my God for saving me when He did, and for His continuance to prepare me as a chaste/faithful bride.

I had a good 4th of July. We went Canoeing at Snidely Hot Springs on the 3rd, which was really cool. Matthew and I got into some poison Oak, but he had some soap along, so we we were able to wash it off really good right away. I didn’t have any signs of it, and he started to get some that night, but washed it off again. I don’t know if he got it really or not. There were about 40 people and 9 canoes.

Mike set up (made) a 4 faucet water baloon filler. I got to where I was filling 12 per minute after the first 3 hours. I arrived around 11 and we started out with just 4 of us, and not everyone constantly filling because there were other things to do, like set up the rope to put a cover over the specially made 20×8x2ft deep pool so that the UV-rays would not pop the biodegradable latex baloons.

Well, I got a really bad sunburn from being out in the sun for 5+ hours, and my neck is peeling badly. I had blisters that felt like bubble wrap as I drove home at 1:30… Isaac’s car broke down and I didn’t actually get home until 3:30am.

I want to post more about it all, but I’m gonna go ahead and put this up before it gets old.

The Lord surely knows better then my guess, but I was out playing with my neice and the puppy, and we were “eating” all kinds of goodies that we pretended to make out of weeds. As she was stirring up a cassarole, I came across a little peice of plastic, about the size of extended quarter, - why a quarter would be extended I don’t know. Well, it was the edge of a plastic map of some sort and all it read was CENTRAL AFRIC A with a tear between the CENTRAL and the AFRIC and one taking a small peice of the C with the A. I was thinking about how odd that was, especially since we were just playing with a globe in the house and I had commented rather adventurously that the world was to big to go everywhere, but I wanted to. How about somewhere specific? You know, I love Haiti, and I’d go over and over again, but I’d go anywhere else too. I love people and people are everywhere. I think I just plain old love Jesus, and that’s really the jist of it. I’ll go anywhere for Him and with Him. So, dear Lord, send me anywhere! Continuing in the faith here at home and in the business…

I’ve got a huntch it’ll go for pennies and I’ll learn a few things, but hey, it’s worth a shot right?